Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Now for legal reasons, this could be an entirely piece of fictional writing, or in could be part fiction. Comprendre Mr Plod?!
Cars have always been a part of my life. When I was at school, all I wanted to do was leave and finally turn 17 so I could learn to drive, eventually pass my test and cruise around the mean streets of Darwen.
I left school and got a job at a main dealership in Blackburn, meaning that I had to learn to drive as it was fundamental to my job as a mechanic and getting to screw the arse off customers cars. Something I did, up until my driving ban that cost me my job!
Driving is a royal pain in the arse at the minute. In fact, I hate driving. I used to love it when I had my previous car, despite the fact it cost me around 5 barrels of oil a week in fuel just getting to work and back.. and before that, when I was young and aimlessly drove around until the end of the night having done nothing but consume copious amounts of petrol. At least it was around 68p a litre then though - those were the days...
But the current car cannot get above 50mph, after 2 1/2 minutes on a flat straight. And then you want to reduce to speed due to a judder the equivalent of a 4.5 earthquake on the richter scale.
So, I have decided to get a new car! And I think I will enjoy driving again when it finally arrives. A Citroen DS3 Dstyle, with 17 inch black alloys, white body with black roof and chrome mirrors and sils. There's a picture of it on here somewhere, pretty cool eh!
However, ordering this made me want to write out a list of all my cars which I did. And it made me laugh, very hard. Maybe that's because it is *my history, but I hope you find it funny too!
Vauxhall Nova Bright Yellow, was caught drink driving with my mates in the car, police noticed there were no seats in it too. It ended up on the top of a scrap pile behind what was 'The Pub' in Darwen.
Vauxhall Nova SR Black, was smart until a fuel leak led me to part Ex it for
Peugeot 206 GTI No insurance or tax, got a bump start off a copper on new years eve or day. Can't believe I got away with that. Engine seized so dumped it on a petrol station
Citroen BX Worked without the key in ignition – brakes failed on motorway so dumped it at a company called I used to work for! Before that, it almost set on fire too on a car park as I couldn't turn it off. My sister sold me that for £100.
Ford Escort No tax or insurance, nearly got arrested but copper got called to another job as someone had stolen some paving stones. Couldn’t stand as I was shaking so much!
Vauxhall Corsa SRI OK little car, was too expensive in payments though so got rid of it eventually
Citroen Saxo VTR Ok, but again was stung on finance, so returned this one too
Peugeot 106 Decent little car, bought outright and eventually sold with a million dog hairs in the back, the valet wasn’t happy!
Vauxhall Astra SRI Was belting after I serviced it and sold it. Crashed it when driving to get some new glasses after I lost my glasses in a taxi after a night out!
Honda Civic Type R Rubbish car, didn’t like it – was keyed by some jealous nob so gave it back. Or it was repossessed, one of them anyway! Ok, Ok I loved it! but it was way too expensive. Bailiffs work me up at 7am to take it away...
Vauxhall Astra Had for ages now, running it well into the ground and costing me a fortune in repair bills, but it is strong willed!
*Read disclaimer above!